Sistah's Blog

Today's relationship blog is with a little humor ladies and gentlemen that does have a message of encouragement when it comes to waiting on your Mr. Right. Have you dated Mr. Wrong and Mr. Not so Right?   A Mr. Wrong can be defined as a man who does not fit your qualities or checklist.  He has a job, a smile, no aspirations, no purpose, no dreams, and he is a man.  Does this sound familiar to anyone?  This is the guy who is content with where he is and cannot manage his finances.  He is always borrowing money from his friends and when he gets comfortable enough with you, he will ask you to.  The only reason you went out with him was the way he looked.  Does anyone recall what their grandmother said?  What looks good on the outside is not always good for you?  It's like taking a kid to the candy store and setting them free to pick up anything.  An even better reference would be a quote from a pastor who said,  y...

Celibacy, is this the rebirth of a woman?  When you decide to give your body back to God and wait on your Mr. Right, is it the rebirth of the woman in you?  Practicing celibacy will help you improve your self-worth, give you clarity, and develop an intimate relationship.      Women desire for a relationship that has purpose and true unconditional love.  We need a relationship to have purpose not just sex.   A relationship that has direction and true meaning of love. You can reach that type of relationship when you practice celibacy.  Love is defined as an emotion of intimacy. So being celibate for one woman might have a different meaning for the next woman.  Our choices and reasons for waiting on our true chosen husband is to truly be his missing rib of completeness.   Taking a journey of celibacy, one discovers their wholeness, self-worth, and you fall in love...

About two months ago, I read an article published by one of my favorite group of ladies (Six Brown Chicks) that I follow and read their blog articles.  The article " Your Dating Checklist is Keeping You Single " sparked my attention as they all do.  However, this one really got me to thinking because we all have our checklist of what we require of  that prospective man to meet before we will even give him a first look.   You can read that article in the below link http://www.chicagonow.com/six-brown-chicks/2015/01/your-dating-checklist-is-keeping-you-single/ . This article prompt my response and inspired this article topic. "No one is perfect and we all have flaws. What about the persons character, his heart or his potential to grow with you. Better yet, to see you for who you are and not someone you are not. That unrealistic checklist needs to be burned." As women, we have standards and prerequisites for the man that w...

We had the opportunity to interview Chicago's very own talented filmmaker and director Christopher Nolen.  He has a new movie called 72 Hours  that opens today in Chicago and Milwaukee in selected theaters running from February 13 through 19th.  Tell Us about your new movie 72 HOURS. Christopher Nolen : I'm glad you asked that question. 72 Hours is a story that revolves around Chef Cleavon “Von” Burkett (Timon Kyle Durrett), a former ladies’ man who was living the good life with a beautiful wife (Erica Hubbard)--until one day he wasn’t. A heart attack brings Von face to face with God (Harry J. Lennix), and God offers Von a second chance at life, IF he atones to ALL of his exes.  With the help of his best friend (Brian Hooks) and the determination to live, Von embarks on a hilarious journey to seek redemption. Von soon realizes that hell hath no fury like the women he’s scorned. 72 HOURS stars Timon Kyle Durrett, Terri J. Vaughn, Brely Evans, E...

I read an article in the February issue of Essence magazine written by Tony Gaskins, Jr. titled What Makes a Black Man Say I Do? This article raised many questions for me and inspired the current topic.  In his article, Mr. Gaskins gives his valid qualities that will make a black man say "I Do" based on his relationship experience and what made him say I do to his wife.  It is a beautiful article that gives women advice from a man's perspective.  After all, it is the man who chooses his wife and not the other way around.  We are his missing rib and we are to be his compliment and partner.  Without going into detail what each quality consist of  that Mr. Gaskins discussed in his article at http://www.essence.com/2015/01/16/what-makes-black-man-say-i-do .  Mr. Gaskin's qualities in a woman that will make a black man say I Do : She is Whole She is Confident She is not Confrontational She is Authentic She is Driven She is not Easy...

Why do Black women compete with one another when we were all designed and made uniquely different?  Our curves are not the same, our character is not the same, our physics is not the same, and our intellectual position is not the same. Our destiny is not the same.  Yet, we all compete with one another as if we are shackled together.  Why must we as women attempt to fit in with other women? Is it our pride or ego that is manipulated into thinking we must compete? It's the burdens on societal rules and stereotypes that have invaded our domain.   We enter relationships thinking on an ordinary level, yet we are not ordinary!  We are a gift created to bare the unthinkable pain and bring forth life. We are caregivers, we are lovers, we are teachers, and yet we still compete. We are sexy, we are alluring, we are ecstasy!  We are the missing rib that unites  the second greatest love that man could receive.   Why must we want to...

All women and men really need to understand this; you can't fly high in true love  until self-love has truly landed.  If you don't love yourself, how could you look at someone else and demand it?  If you don't know your worth, you could cheat yourself out of what you deserve, and love may never go the way that you planned it.  No one can set a better example of how to treat you better than you can.  If you attempt to give your love away when self-love and self-worth are not present; your heart could end up with more jagged edges than a used can.  It's hard to give someone something that you don't have.  It's even harder to be faithful to something within you that doesn't exist.  Love is supposed to be a gift, but if you don't love yourself before you attempt to unwrap it; all you'll really be giving away is a wish. When you learn your worth and become faithful to yourself; you won't let any woman or man use you again and again; abuse you ...

Would you relocate to another state for someone you are in love with?  Is there a rule that says the woman has to relocate or is it the man?  These questions are pondered every day when someone is dating or in a committed relationship with someone that does not live in the same state as they do.  The love experts never said, he will find you in the state that you currently reside.  He might be passing through on business, visiting family, or visiting friends and you catch his eye so he decides to get your number.   The feeling of dating someone who does not live in the same state can be challenging at times, but what’s important is the communication and quality time spent together.   One has to know that you cannot do a long distance relationship for more than a year.    It can become expensive to traveling back and forth if he or she is more than 200 miles apart from one another.    Now that is another topic to b...

Choosing not to have sex and waiting till you are married sometimes can be a personal struggle. People choose celibacy for so many reasons whether it's spiritual or just choice not to have casual sex with multiple partners.   Does this make the relationship better?  Are there benefits to being celibate for the relationship?  Can you fall in love with someone without having sex with them? Being celibate allows two people to truly get to know one another and build a stronger bond between each other without the stress of having sexual relations.  The absence of sex allows you to fully see that person's true value, personality, and build a genuine intimacy on another level.  No sex allows a true friendship to develop and be nurtured. Are there any benefits to being celibate for the relationship?  Yes, there are benefits that are rewarding to the relationship such as respect, self worth, and wholeness.  A rea...

Have you ever gotten completely lost in a man that you forgot your own self worth?  Have you found yourself lost in love?  New relationships can be exciting and fun because you are in the "getting to know phase".  Getting to know a person is apart of relationship development, growth , and nurturing process. One just has to remember to allow time and space between each other so that you are not suffocating one another.  As the relationship progresses, it's okay to want his touch and his kisses to leave you memorized.  It's the beauty of learning someone new and what they have to offer in the relationship. Picture credit: Pinterest board  When you find yourself loving everything about him from his smile, the way he talks, the way he walks, and even the way he smells are signs that you really like him.  It's adorable and intriguing to have those emotions and cares.  However, when you find yourself given him all of your atten...

Do you have a crush on someone that you are attracted to?   How many times have you contemplated revealing your feelings or admiration to that person? Was he or she the epitome of sexy, gorgeous, and just down right fine wrapped in one package?   We all have come across men and women that we yearn for at times, yet it takes a brave soul to reveal their true feelings toward someone of interest.   When you have a crush on someone is it physical, emotional, or truly genuine interest in that person? One must worry whether or not that person will reject them or be flattered by the admiration/interest. Have you ever asked yourself how you would react if someone walked up to you and said, “I have the biggest crush on you and I would love to get to know more about you.”   What would you say or do?   It’s normal to have a crush on someone as it’s the law of attraction.   We are all human and you attract like-minded people of interest.   Perfect example,...

Falling in love is an amazing and beautiful journey with that special and unique person. We all strive to fall in love with our perfect soul mate.  Every little girl has sat and planned her wedding day with her prince charming.   Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong one that does not mean us any good physically or emotionally. Which distorts what love should be based on past pain.  Meanwhile, for some the journey to healing and lessons learned they discover what true love really is because someone took the time to teach what love represents.  There is a song by Fantasia with the words:   "Teach me how to love you cause I am ready to learn. Show me your willing to learn. Teach me what you need. I will follow your guide and Happy to grow with you."   Those are beautiful words revolved around someone teaching you how to love them.  The journey begins when that special person can show you how to lov...

All couples desire to have the perfect healthy and happy relationship.  Some of our elders who have been married for 50 plus years have given us some great advice on what makes a healthy and happy relationship that seems to slip through the cracks in some of today's relationships. Here are 10 tips from our wise elders for a healthy and happy relationship that has longevity: Build a Friendship - friendship is essential key to any relationship that will grow together over time. Learn to Compromise -learn to choose your battles for you don't always have to be right and you don't always have to get your way.  Be Honesty with one another and yourself - it's better to tell the truth than to tell a lie or even a little white lie.  Express how you feel in a non-confrontational voice Trust one another- Trust is earned and you start out by stepping out on faith and trusting him/her because you desire to be in a long-term relationship. Forgive each other- When disagre...

Have you ever been rejected by someone you had taken an interest in?  We all had that one, two, or three people that we found ourselves interesting in getting to know more about them on a more personal level past the plutonic friendship.   How did you deal with being rejection? Did you smile and walk away or did you stand there an cry?  Did you result to violence toward that person because you were rejected?     Rejection is a hard pill to swallow when you truly have a genuine interest in that man or woman.  One has to learn to deal with it and accept the fact that not everyone is compatible.  Most important thing to remember is that people have the right to their own preference for their type of person that he or she is attracted to or interested in dating.  Just two weeks ago, a young lady was killed because she refused to give her phone ...

By now many have seen the movie, Addicted based on the novel by Zane a best selling author.  In the movie, Zoe is addicted to sex and because of her addiction she puts at risks her business, her family, and her marriage.  It was truly an erotic thriller with various twists that kept your attention through out the movie.  So it raises the question, have you ever been addicted to someone?  Full Picture credits -www.zaneaddicted.com An addiction can be overwhelming and over powering to a person especially a woman given the fact women are emotional creatures of habit.  We love hard and give our all to that special person who has won our hearts.  However, when you become addicted to that person's smell, his smile, his swag, and his physical body sculpture.  You find yourself daydreaming about that person all the time, loosing track of time, and not being able to complete tasks that are put before you.  You find yourself yearning for ...

Have you ever been in a situation with a friend where you knew something about her man?  Are you taking that information to your grave?  We took a small survey of women regarding things you cannot tell your friend about her man. The results were somewhat shocking given 3 of the 10 can rock or destroy your friendship.  When we asked why not tell her, the overall response was to spare her feelings and to spare the friendship.  The top 3 things you would not tell your friend about her man: 1. He's cheating on her : The thought process is that she will never believe me if I tell her that I saw her man out with another woman.  It may come off as you are being nosey, over-reacting, and confused.   Is it your place to tell your friend that you have seen her husband or significant other with another woman?  Would you be over stepping your boundaries of minding your own business?  The possibi...

Are you a Bitter woman?  What happened that made you bitter? Being bitter is not attractive nor is it a quality any woman should hold onto.  It can be contagious to other women around you.  What is bitterness? Bitterness is a sour taste in a woman's spirit and heart that requires healing and forgiveness from the past pain and heartache.  It's like having a pity party because you didn't heal from the last relationship instead you got angry and grew bitter.  You carry that anger around with you for years instead of letting it go and learning from the relationship what ever it was that you needed to grow.  Instead, you allowed it to eat at your spirit and your opportunity for happiness. Have you ever noticed that your happiness is another persons misery?  They cannot stand to see anything good happen to you because it didn't happen to them in their last one, two, or three relationships.  They never have anything positive to say about relati...

Can a woman get out of an abusive relationship?  Absolutely yes, you can walk away from your abuser with assistance, guidance, and support from various programs providing assistance to women and children in domestic violence living.  An abused woman has the right to make the choice to take back her life by taking back her power.  Many don't understand how hard it is for some women to walk away from an abusive relationship.  The effects of the physical, emotional,and mental abuse takes a psychological toll on the victim. Especially when it's made public to family, friends, and even co-workers she is then embarrassed and ashamed by the fact she stayed in an abusive relationship.  A woman in an abused relationship has to come to terms with reality that her safety and happiness is important. Walking away is not as simple as many experts describe it to be because of the damage done emotionally and physically will ...

How many times must you get hit before you walk away? Abusive relationships are not healthy for the women or the children in the relationship.  It sends the wrong type of message to little girls and to little boys growing up in a house where their mother is abused.  Domestic abuse is not a representation of love.  Why do people make excuses for someone hitting a woman? The even bigger question is, Why does a woman stay with her abuser? Picture credits (Pinterest) Love is not supposed to hurt you on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. Whether it's verbal, emotional, or physical no one deserves that type of treatment.  A person should not feel like they are walking on eggshells in fear of being punched or slapped.  The message being sent to the children growing up in a house of abuse is not good for their self esteem, their self worth, and any future relationships they may have with a partner.  For little girls, it sends a me...

You have a male or female friend that you have been friends with for a several years. You both have dated other people. You both have been there for moral support when each person has gotten heart broken.  You helped pack and moved out and into a new place after a bad break up.  You know deep secrets and explicit details of past relationships.  You have given each other advice on past relationships. So, now you are feeling one another outside of the friend zone.  How do you get out of the friend zone to dating? Do you want to jeopardize the friendship?   You know what each other like when it comes to food, fun, sports, and entertainment.  You have everything in common from favorite basketball and football team.  You laugh at his/her jokes even when they are not funny and you become each other's date every year for Valentines day, Sweetest Day, and sometimes even New Years Eve to bring in the New Year together instead of being a...